Announcing...

Yesterday I got to meet the most amazing, beautiful, and precious little girl.  I so miss her already.

It's with thankfulness to her Creator that I announce:

Gracie Ann Kukis
Born December 30th
4:31 pm
2 pounds, 8 ounces
15 inches long

Seeing the strength, love, and courage that the Lord granted to Corey and Emily throughout her birth and the time in the hospital was one of the most profound blessings I have ever experienced.  I know I can say for so many of us, that our hearts go out to them.  Gracie was blessed with amazingly faithful parents. Let's continue in prayer for this precious family.

With love, on Em's behalf-
Posted by Kristen

December 29, 2011

Hello all.  This is Kristen, Emily's friend writing.  It is through tears and with a heavy heart that I share that today Gracie Ann Kukis went home to be with Jesus.  At a routine appointment this morning, Emily learned that Gracie had died.  As I type they are inducing her, and the hope is that she'll be able to deliver her naturally.

While we take comfort in the fact that Gracie is now perfect, and in the arms of Jesus, I know we are all deeply grieved at her loss and for the unimaginable pain that Emily and Corey are in right now.  Please pray for a delivery that is healthy for Emily.  Please pray for strength and comfort, and peace for both Corey and Emily.  Please also pray for safe travels for the friends and family that are flying in to be with them during this time.  I am getting on a plane in a few hours, and will continue to post in Emily's absence, as she wishes.  God is mighty and He is good- may His peace be with you all.

Posted by Kristen

What did you say?!

Yesterday, I had a regular check up appointment. Gracie's heartbeat is good! I did, however, find out that I am measuring 43 weeks pregnant and I am really 33 weeks pregnant!!! In two weeks, I went from 36 to 43 weeks. Crazy! I was feeling like a real wimp about getting around and being so uncomfortable, but yesterday made me see things from a different view. I am not a wimp and there is a real reason why I take 5 steps and feel so out of breath. I was at Target before my appointment and one lady was like "you look ready to pop!" Thanks, but I see now why she said that. The doctor said I could tell people I am having twins. I also thought about making up a new due date, but now I don't tell my due date. I just say due in January and people think it is the beginning of January. I was kind of freaked out when she said 43 weeks, because I was thinking "am I just going to keep getting bigger and I am going to be like 60 weeks." She assured me that my stomach will eventually stop growing, and which probably means I will go into labor. Unfortunately, I am so big from too much fluid and not because Gracie is big. I can actually hear the fluid swishing around in there when I walk, which is really weird.

I also have a skin rash called PUPPP and it is so itchy!!! It just came up in the last week, and the good news is it will go away after pregnancy. Here is a little information I found on it: PUPPP stands for "pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy." In plain English, PUPPP is an itchy, bumpy rash — annoying but benign — that usually develops on the abdomen near the umbilical area and spreads to the thighs and extremities. It’s most common in first-time mothers and those carrying multiples. Sometimes itching can become very severe and spread to the rest of the body, but never on the face (thank goodness for small miracles).  The good news: PUPPP poses no risk for your baby. So far it is just on my tummy! The doctor did say it could get worse. Yikes!

Corey and I are doing well, considering we don't know when Gracie is coming, which is nerve racking to say the least. We continue to take one day at time, which is what we have done since the beginning.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

We are loving our new house and getting settled. It feels like home. My parents get into town either tonight or tomorrow and staying for two weeks, which will be nice. My mom can cook for us, because that is becoming a very hard task for me.

Prayer requests: Pray that Gracie stays in there through Christmas and my birthday, which is the day after. It is not that I wouldn't love to share my birthday. I just don't want it to be a sad time every year, if it is God's will to take her home with Him. I would like her to wait till January. I also know that God has plan and we trust Him that He knows what is best for Gracie and I. Pray for family that will be traveling to get here when I go into labor, that they will be safe in their travels. And continue to pray for strength, wisdom and peace for Corey and I as we begin to draw closer to meeting Gracie. The prayers from all of you are seriously getting us through this. We feel them and we also continue to lean on the Lord in prayer. Thank you so much for following us in our journey thus far and joining us in prayer for Gracie.

Here is a picture of me, not very good. I forgot to ask Corey to take one last night and wanted to share one with you.

33 weeks, measuring 43 weeks

31 weeks update...

Yesterday, I had a rountine check up. I am 31 weeks and measuring 36 weeks, because of all the extra fluid in there. It explains when I tell people how far along I am, they reply with, "Oh, you look a lot further along." Extra fluid just means Gracie is having a hard time swallowing in there. Also, having extra fluid the doctor says I will most likley go in to pre-term labor, because the fluid will eventually cause my water to break. Gracie might be a December baby just like her mommy. My due date is January 31 and it would be great if I could make it that far. Although, if I am measuring 36 weeks now, then geez, I would be huge and super uncomfortable by the end of January. Only God knows when Gracie will come. I told Corey a few weeks back, I wish God could show me a glimpse of Gracie entering into the world and how that it is going to play out. Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Then we wouldn't be able to grow in our faith and trust Him, if I knew what was going to happen. Right? Not always the easiest thing, but makes this path much easier to walk when I do.

A few other things from the appointment, Gracie's hearbeat was a good, but difficult to hear because she was moving a lot in there. The doctor said with all the fluid she is able to move around a lot and change position, which made it difficult for the doctor to feel what position Gracie is in. I pray Gracie is the right position when I go into labor. I would like to not have a c-section, but is okay with it if it is better for Gracie and I.

In the last 3 weeks, I have been able to feel her move in there for a little bit each day. It is still not as much from talking to other moms and how much they felt their baby move. Corey has gotten to feel her 3 times, which is so great!! I really wanted him to be able to feel Gracie move. He enjoys it also.

Prayer requests at this point would be to continue to pray for Gracie. I am also getting a bit nervous and scared about delivering her, so you could pray for that. There is a high risk of her not making it through labor, which is really tough on Trisomy 18 baby or any baby with a birth defect. Corey and I love her so much and can't wait to meet her, no matter what that looks like, but still a little nerve-racking. I do know that with all the support we are getting, that we will be able to cope with whatever comes our way when that day comes and that Gracie is strong little girl. Gracie has a lot of family/friends cheering her on and praying for her. We are so very thankful!!

Gracie made it...to the third trimester!

We are in the first week of the final trimester! I feel like I have been pregnant forever with all that has been going on with this pregnancy!! I am trying to enjoy this time as much as possible, but find it difficult at times with not being able to know God's exact plan for Gracie. Faith and trust in the Lord are key ingredients to this journey we are on!

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. In the 3/d ultrasound last week,  the tech mentioned there seemed to be a lot of fluid and that possibly Gracie is having a hard time with swallowing, which is not uncommon with a Trisomy 18 baby. I am measuring 31 weeks, and normal measurement for 28 weeks is 28-30, so only one week above normal. It is not cause for too much concern right now the midwife said, my doctor had a emergency yesterday when I got to the appointment, so I didn't get to meet with her. A bit of information from a website regarding amniotic fluid, for those that don't know...

Where does amniotic fluid come from?

During the first 14 weeks of your pregnancy, fluid passes from your circulatory system into the amniotic sac. Early in the second trimester, your baby starts to swallow the fluid, pass it through his kidneys, and excrete it as urine, which he then swallows again, recycling the full volume of amniotic fluid every few hours. (Yes, this means that most of the fluid is eventually your baby's urine!)

So your baby plays an important role in keeping just the right amount of fluid in the amniotic sac. Sometimes, though, this system breaks down, resulting in either too much or too little fluid — both of which can present problems.

If you're found to have too much fluid at any point in your pregnancy, it's called hydramnios or polyhydramnios.

It also could be factor in why I am not feeling much movement from Gracie and also that she has Trisomy 18, which some babies will have less movement. I will be going to doctor every two weeks now, and we will see how that progresses. Keep you updated.

Continue prayers are appreciated!!!

On a side note, non-baby news...Corey and I are getting a home and we get the keys tomorrow!! We will be moving Saturday. I get the luxury of telling people what to do and where to put things. It should be fun and relaxing for me. A bonus of being pregnant.

Again, can't thank you enough for sharing Gracie's story and the prayers and the encouragement that come with that!!

27 Weeks 3D Ultrasound Pictures

Yesterday was my 3D ultrasound appointment and it was so great to see her again!! Ultrasounds are great, but at the same time it is sad, because as she is getting a bit bigger you see more of the abnormalities. So please continue to pray for her!! Gracie was moving around a lot though and it is amazing that I don't feel her more in there. Tech struggled with getting good pictures because she kept moving, but here are few cute ones to share with you.

I love her little ears!

Gracie likes to cover her face with her hands...a little camera shy.

A looks like she might be smiling in this one

25 weeks

I have had writing this post on my to do list all last week and am finally getting the opportunity to do it. I am including a picture of myself and Gracie at 25 weeks. Tomorrow will be 26 weeks. I have been feeling her move more here and there, which has been fun. Corey keeps trying, but nothing yet for him. I can only feel on the inside. I think she needs to get a bit bigger and hopefully she is growing.

My doctor's office was unable to give us a free of charge 3/D ultrasound and they could make up a medical reason to do it, but it would go against my deductible. We didn't want to do that in case we would need to use it for medical reasons. They did tell me about this place in Portland, where all they do is ultrasounds and they are cheaper. They have packages also with DVD and CD they give you, which the doctor's office wouldn't be able to do. So, we have one scheduled for November 2 and the grandparents will be here for it, minus a grandpa (Corey's dad), but we will have pictures to share with him and all of you.

I also wanted to share these verses with you, that I have been leaning on this last week. It is from a blog, http://www.girltalkhome.com/, they have been discussing trials. "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." James 1:2-8



25 weeks



 

24 weeks and Doctors Appointment Update

Yesterday was the beginning of the 24th week! I went to the doctor yesterday and got to hear Gracie's heartbeat and get my stomach measured, which is growing. On that end everything is looking good and heartbeat was normal and strong. I did ask to see if it would be possible to get a 3D ultrasound at no extra cost to us. My doctor thinks that would be a great thing to have done, and she tried to find out while I was there if it was possible. They called a few people and she is going to need to call the head of ultrasound and she will let me know. Pray that we get one!

I am feeling a bit of movement from Gracie here and there, so I think soon I will be feeling her more often. Continue to pray!!

I am putting together a scrapbook with all of Gracie's ultrasound pictures and I am adding all of the encouraging and wonderful comments you guys leave on this blog and Facebook in the scrapbook. It is turning out beautiful, so thank you. Thanks for praying for us and for Gracie. Without all this support from friends and family, it would be an even more difficult road to walk. You are all a true blessing to us!!

Red Apple

I am 23 weeks this week and feeling pretty good. My stomach is growing and I am feeling pregnant now. Growing is good,  because that means Gracie is continuing to grow. My placenta is in the front of my stomach, which is making it difficult to feel movement. The doctor said I should start to feel more movement at 24 weeks, which is what I am praying for. I would love to feel her moving in there and I know Corey would love to be able to feel her kicking in there.

I have a doctors appointment this coming Tuesday, Oct. 11, at 1:50pm. It is just a regular one, so no ultrasound. I wish I could do a ultrasound every appointment. I will get to hear her heartbeat, so I am very much looking forward to that. I will update how the appointment goes.

Pray for me to feel movement!!!

I have to share this picture with you. I was in a really good friend of mine's wedding in September. One it shows you my belly but two it shows you the reason for the title of this post. I feel I look like a red apple. It cracks me up.

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers for us three. We are so blessed by all of you. Also, thank you for your encouraging words. It truly helps to read them and find them comforting. We are feeling the love!!

A poem a good friend found on another blog and shared with me. Wanted to share with you all. Comforting words.

Whatever my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, or need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken,
My Father’s care circles me there,
He holds me that I shall not fall,
And so to Him I leave it all.
~Samuel Rodigast

Another friend put me in touch with her friend who is going through something similiar with her pregnancy. Be praying for her and her little boy. She put this at the end of one of her messages to me and I really liked it. All we are able to do is wait for the Lord and see what His plans are for Gracie.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD."-Ps. 27: 13-14

Gracie at 20 weeks

This one is at the end of the ultrasound, where she went to sleep.

Before this she was moving all over the place.

Gracie at 17 weeks

It's a girl...

I have a baby update for you all. We found out we are having a girl and her name is Gracie Ann Kukis. We picked Gracie because we felt she needed a name that meant something and it means God's favor. My mother in law looked up Ann, which is my middle name, and it means grace and favor. So as my mother in law said, "this baby girl is having the grace and favor of God poured over her in the declaration of her name."

We had an ultrasound on Tuesday, September 13 and it went as good as it can be with the circumstances. Gracie is a little bit bigger, so as sad it was, Corey and I got to see more of the trisomy 18 markers. Our poor little girl. The ultrasound tech was very sweet in explaining what we were seeing and told us to tell her to shut up if we needed her too. I am okay with knowing what is going on, it helps me to not live in denial of Gracie's prognosis. Gracie was moving around a lot in there and we got to see her swallow. We met with our doctor right after the ultrasound, which was the first time meeting with her since the diagnoses. Our doctor said it is looking like there won't be much they can do for our little one and will focus on me and making sure I am okay through all this. I have been doing some research and joined a community of other mothers who have gone through what we are and it sounds like most of them decide to have their baby with them for as long as they get to rather than having them hooked up to a bunch of machines and surgeries that they most likely won't survive. Our doctor is very positive that I will not go to term, so it is unknown when I will go into labor. I do believe God is in control and that His will be done rather that is giving us lots of time with our Gracie or taking her home to be with Him. Corey and I have a difficult road ahead of us. Prayers needed for Gracie and for us strength, courage, peace and wisdom! Thank you so much already for all the prayers thus far and encouraging words. It is greatly appreciated!!! I will begin keeping everyone updated through this blog.

The beginning...

I have been doing some genetic testing since my first ultrasound in the end of June due to some concern that the doctor had. My testing hasn't come out the best. My hormones are really low. We went almost two weeks ago for further genetic consult and ultrasound and the news was not good. It is looking like our baby has trisomy 18 (birth defect), which is the worst case. What that means is that our baby is very sick and will most likely not make it. When that will be is up to God. I did an amino the day after the news of the ultrasound and if you don't know what that is, it is where they stick a needle in your belly and take fluid, which was horrible, but it will give us information on what is happening in there and if it for sure is trisomy 18. And give us indiction of what the future holds for our future family. This last Thursday I got my results back and it is positive for trisomy 18. The chance of this happening again in the future is very low, which is some bit of good news. Corey and I are deeply sadden and heartbroken with the news. It seems so unreal.  Please pray for strength, peace and wisdom for us!