Time continues with many blessings

Hello Everyone!

I don't write in this often, but do come back to it often. I come back to remember and relive. Today brings me to share what is on my heart though.

Five years ago today, we found out our little girl had passed. I don't like that the time I had with her is getting further away and that days are getting busier that I don't think of her as often. At the same time, I love how my life has moved on and that my days are so busy I barely remember if I ate or not. This blog helps me feel close to Gracie. I miss her so much. I miss that I am not taking her to kindergarten and going on field trips with her. I am sad that I don't know what she looks like at 5 years old. I have said this in many blog posts, as much as I hurt that she isn't here, I am at the same time thankful she felt no pain and no suffering. Gracie is with Jesus and nothing is better than that. I know I will see her again and get to hold her in my arms. This was a time in our lives that felt so unfair and sometimes still does. We have two little blessings named Austin and Gabe that heal the hurt and help life to continue moving. And we are about to add another blessing to our lives. God is good and I am so thankful to Him for what He has given to us. I am so thankful for Gracie and the short time she was here. She taught me a lot about my faith and helped me grow in my faith. 

Today I took the boys to Chick Fil A to play and have lunch. I wore a necklace my mom got me for one of Gracie's birthday. A little girl came into the play place and instantly started talking to me and she noticed my necklace right away and told me how beautiful it was. She then preceded to tell me how she was 5 years old. Wow, sweet angel God sent to me today. It made me think of Gracie and how she probably would comment on my jewelry and think it was beautiful. But God also gave me a sweet boy, Austin, who told me this afternoon my necklace was beautiful and that I was beautiful also. Here is a picture of the necklace.

I also wanted to share with you that tomorrow I have ultrasound and that hopefully baby will show us its gender. Of course I would love for baby to be a girl. As long as baby is healthy, than boy or girl would be wonderful.  I did a blood test to check for chromosomal abnormalities and it came back negative. Thank you Jesus. I can't help but still be a little nervous. I don't want any not good surprises. Please be praying for us tomorrow and I should be able to share tomorrow night the gender. I love that I have something exciting to look forward to on the day I gave birth to Gracie! It makes tomorrow bittersweet and I am good with that. 

I am always so thankful for you all and how you have prayed for us thru the years. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your prayers and your encouragement. 

4 years ago...

4 years ago today I gave birth to an angel. Gracie Ann had already passed prior to this day, but today was the day I gave birth to her. One of the hardest things I have done. God has truly blessed me with 2 handsome wonderful boys since this day 4 years ago. 

I think about her every day and the sadness hasn't changed. I read a saying in one of the grief books or blogs 4 years ago, that the pain/sadness doesn't go away, we just make room for it in our heart to stay. This is what I have done. 

A few weeks ago, I went to the Nutcracker with girlfriends. I couldn't help but think that this is something I would be doing with Gracie. I wore the bracelet my mom gave me with her initials and other charms. I felt as if I was bringing her with me in spirit. I wish she was her with me to do these type of girl things with me. I am more than thankful though that she felt no pain and that she is healthy in Heaven. I know I will see her again and that keeps me going. 

I have seen others go through infant/child loss, but I have also found amazing stories of infants living with Trisomy 18 and anencephaly. Amazing stories! I continue to share my story, but I always love sharing the stories of the few that are defying the odds doctors give. Choose life, because you just don't know how God's decision is going to play out and we shouldn't decide that for our babies. We should let them and God write their stories. God never leaves us nor forsakes us, "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

I wrote in my blog today for those you might not have know me during this time and thought if you wanted to you could read past posts and see pictures of Gracie that I had shared. 

Also, Timehop has been a great reminder of all the encouraging words my friends and family shared with me. You were all a blessing to me during this time. Thank you. 

Baby Boy Update

10 days away from due date! Today I had my once a week appointment and for the last few I have been having to do a non-stress test (checking his heart rate). Doctors just want to make sure baby is doing good in there with his two vessel and extra fluid. Well, anyways found out today that my doctor and the perinatal doctor weren't going to let me go much longer, most likely induce next week. But, we also found out baby boy is transverse (sideways) and we could try to turn him. Although, he could most likely turn back with all the fluid in there, it is a painful to do especially since I am not dilated and it is something my doctor doesn't strongly recommend in week 38. So, Corey and I decided to just plan a c-section, which is scheduled for Tuesday, July 9 at 8:30am. We are so excited to have a date of meeting our boy. If he ends up being head down at the time, they will just induce me. I am great with either! Glad to have an end in sight...getting very uncomfortable with this huge and heavy belly. Please be in prayer for us and the arrival of our baby boy. And you never know...he could decide to come on his own before then.

Ultrasound update -35 weeks

Yesterday we had our ultrasound to check in with baby boy and his fluid. Praise God the fluid has remained the same, which means it is just part of him being a bigger baby and producing more waste and such. Fun! He measured at 7lbs 2oz. Also, my stomach is measuring big at 39 weeks. Doctor is assured and assured us that everything is looking great! She mentioned that she probably couldn't be more excited than Corey and I, but that she is extremely excited for us. And Corey and I very excited to meet our baby boy. So close. Today I am actually 36 weeks now!!! After this week, he can come anytime! We are ready. 

Here are pictures from the ultrasound yesterday:

Hair on top of his head...so cute!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers and would appreciate still. You all have been such a huge support and encouragement to the both us. 

35 weeks

Well, I am 35 weeks this week! I can't believe how close we are getting to the due date. This week is a bittersweet week for me, because this is the week I had Gracie. She is always on my heart and mind, but a little extra this week. I am so thankful for those 35 weeks I had with Gracie. Difficult, but blessed. I wish she was here to meet her baby brother, but I know she will be watching from Heaven.

So, this means I will be experiencing new territory in this pregnancy, which is exciting but a bit nervous of how all this will go. I am feeling good, just the normal pregnancy tiredness and being uncomfortable. It has been hotter than normal for this time of year here. It is going to be cooler and maybe some rain here this week. I am actually looking forward to that. 

We have ultrasound on June 13, to check baby's growth and fluid, so please be praying for that. I will update after. Corey and I are so ready to meet our son!! His room is ready and we are ready. 

Here is a 35 week picture of baby boy and me:

35 weeks

 

Growth Ultrasound - Baby boy

Today was the growth ultrasound. We found out our baby is in the 80th percentile measuring 5lbs 11 ounces. We were very happy to find out his two vessel umbilical cord was not stunting his growth. It looks like we will be having a big baby. We also found out that I have extra fluid in there, which might mean more ultrasounds. I didn't quite get an answer from the doctor why I might have extra fluid. I did not see my doctor today, so they were going to let her know. My tummy two weeks ago measured at 33 weeks and today it measured 37 weeks. I am a bit in shock that I am experiencing extra fluid again. I am traveling to California tomorrow, which doctor said was fine, but please be praying that baby and I have safe travels. Also, continue to pray for the pregnancy that baby continues to grow strong and healthy and that the extra fluid would not exceed much more. Thank you! God is good and I know He is taking great care of baby and I.

Baby Shower and Mother's Day

Can I just say what a wonderful weekend to have a first baby shower the same weekend as Mother's Day?! Especially with the memory of our sweet baby girl Gracie Ann and how hard last Mother's Day was. God is good and has blessed Corey and I so much with joy and excitement in waiting for this baby boy's arrival. 
My friends threw me a wonderful baby shower today here in Oregon. I loved it and had so much fun celebrating our baby. I often look back at our time with Gracie Ann, and ache for what we missed out on experiencing with her. At the same time, looking with joy in what our future holds with our son. I am just amazed how God has brought us from such a sad time to such a happier time. We appreciate all of this so much more and are so thankful for where we have been and where we are going. I just am feeling so much joy in preparing for our baby boy. Praising the Lord for His kindness, love and comfort these last couple of years. 
At the same time, I miss Gracie so much and sometimes experiencing all of this makes it worse, but I know we will be together again and trust in God's plan for our lives. Her life will not be forgotten on this earth. I also feel it is so honoring to her to be happy and excited for the arrival of her brother. 
So, tomorrow will be bittersweet celebrating Mother's Day. I am a mother of 2 babies, one I did not know on this earth and one I am soon to meet. Happy Mother's Day to all moms and so much love to moms who have lost a child. 
Update of this pregnancy: Baby boy is doing great in there. I am confident that his growth ultrasound will be positive, it is May 21, and prayers are appreciated. My stomach is growing so I am sure he is too! =) I will give an update of how it goes. Also, he is moving so much in there, which is the most amazing feeling ever. I love when I touch my belly and I can feel him. Truly amazing and something I never experienced with Gracie. I just can't get over the feeling of it. It does make me a bit thankful that Gracie was our first, because if I knew a baby was suppose to move this much and knew that feeling, I would have been at the doctors everyday thinking something happened to her. With the fluid and her not growing, I didn't feel her very much.
Thank you to all of our family and friends for your love and support with Gracie and this pregnancy.
Here is some pictures of today:

My wonderful pregnant friends who threw me the shower!

Look at the belly...Geez!