The time off though is sad at the same time, because of the reason I am off, but there is no baby to take care of. I should be losing sleep, not getting more sleep. I have started to work out to get in shape after being pregnant, but I have no baby to show for the weight I gained and trying to lose. I think of all the things I should be doing during this time at home, but I am not. I know that I had a baby and I was pregnant for 8 months, but at times it almost feels like it didn't happen. All I have physically to show is pictures. In my heart and mind though, I still see her and feel her in my arms. I hang on to that closely. Her sweet face will always be in the forefront of my mind and heart. Grieving is a process with many emotions and thoughts I am finding. I miss Gracie so much and I think of her every second of the day. Corey and I are doing well considering, and have faith that is stronger than ever. This journey happened for a reason and have already seen Gracie's life used in other people's lives to bring them closer to God. I pray that our journey will continue to be used for His glory.
Encouraging verses I have had shared with me and read:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!.” Psalm 37:3-7
Please continue to pray for our continued healing of the loss of Gracie Ann and for our future family. God has been so faithful and I know He will continue to be. A friend who has lost her baby the day after Gracie was delivered has said, "We got taste of a motherhood and it was so sweet." We can't wait to get more of that feeling. You all have been a huge support during this time. We are so very thankful for our friends and family!
Here are some pictures of Gracie Ann:
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| My parents, Grandpa and Granny |
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| Corey's parents, Grandpa and Nana |
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| My sister, Auntie Betsy |
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| Uncle Cameron and Auntie Betsy |
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| My mom, Granny |
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| Daddy's hand |
I still think about her everyday. I miss her so much and I love her dearly. I miss what I lost in not being a part of her life. I recognize that I am still a Nana- but in a different way. Grieving as a grandmother is different than anything I have ever experienced. I am grateful to have been a part of the 3D ultrasound. It was my version of the "baby shower" My celebration of life.. It gave me a glimpse of her personality- busy.....and it makes me smile whenever I think about it..
ReplyDeleteI am not ready to move to "next time" yet.. that joy will come when I embrace that journey and all it will hold. (lots of bean teepee play structures for children)...but in my heart, I dont want this to be a situation that "didnt work out" and means that I have to quickly divert my thoughts to moving on to "next time". My friends want me to do this...
But I want to hold it for what it is-God's unexplainable plan for a little girl with a perfect spirit that struggled in her earthly dwelling. We all struggle in our earthly dwelling and we are all valuable.
I want to think of her as wholeness, what she has contributed to my journey and how she beat us all to the prize.