A poem a good friend found on another blog and shared with me. Wanted to share with you all. Comforting words.

Whatever my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, or need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken,
My Father’s care circles me there,
He holds me that I shall not fall,
And so to Him I leave it all.
~Samuel Rodigast

Another friend put me in touch with her friend who is going through something similiar with her pregnancy. Be praying for her and her little boy. She put this at the end of one of her messages to me and I really liked it. All we are able to do is wait for the Lord and see what His plans are for Gracie.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD."-Ps. 27: 13-14

Gracie at 20 weeks

This one is at the end of the ultrasound, where she went to sleep.

Before this she was moving all over the place.

Gracie at 17 weeks

It's a girl...

I have a baby update for you all. We found out we are having a girl and her name is Gracie Ann Kukis. We picked Gracie because we felt she needed a name that meant something and it means God's favor. My mother in law looked up Ann, which is my middle name, and it means grace and favor. So as my mother in law said, "this baby girl is having the grace and favor of God poured over her in the declaration of her name."

We had an ultrasound on Tuesday, September 13 and it went as good as it can be with the circumstances. Gracie is a little bit bigger, so as sad it was, Corey and I got to see more of the trisomy 18 markers. Our poor little girl. The ultrasound tech was very sweet in explaining what we were seeing and told us to tell her to shut up if we needed her too. I am okay with knowing what is going on, it helps me to not live in denial of Gracie's prognosis. Gracie was moving around a lot in there and we got to see her swallow. We met with our doctor right after the ultrasound, which was the first time meeting with her since the diagnoses. Our doctor said it is looking like there won't be much they can do for our little one and will focus on me and making sure I am okay through all this. I have been doing some research and joined a community of other mothers who have gone through what we are and it sounds like most of them decide to have their baby with them for as long as they get to rather than having them hooked up to a bunch of machines and surgeries that they most likely won't survive. Our doctor is very positive that I will not go to term, so it is unknown when I will go into labor. I do believe God is in control and that His will be done rather that is giving us lots of time with our Gracie or taking her home to be with Him. Corey and I have a difficult road ahead of us. Prayers needed for Gracie and for us strength, courage, peace and wisdom! Thank you so much already for all the prayers thus far and encouraging words. It is greatly appreciated!!! I will begin keeping everyone updated through this blog.

The beginning...

I have been doing some genetic testing since my first ultrasound in the end of June due to some concern that the doctor had. My testing hasn't come out the best. My hormones are really low. We went almost two weeks ago for further genetic consult and ultrasound and the news was not good. It is looking like our baby has trisomy 18 (birth defect), which is the worst case. What that means is that our baby is very sick and will most likely not make it. When that will be is up to God. I did an amino the day after the news of the ultrasound and if you don't know what that is, it is where they stick a needle in your belly and take fluid, which was horrible, but it will give us information on what is happening in there and if it for sure is trisomy 18. And give us indiction of what the future holds for our future family. This last Thursday I got my results back and it is positive for trisomy 18. The chance of this happening again in the future is very low, which is some bit of good news. Corey and I are deeply sadden and heartbroken with the news. It seems so unreal.  Please pray for strength, peace and wisdom for us!