Baby Update

We had our 20 week ultrasound, as you all have been waiting for the news, and It's a BOY!! We are very excited, especially Corey. Baby looked perfect, at the right weight for his due date and great heart beat. Unfortunately, there is this only thing, he has a 2 vessel umbilical cord, which if this was my first pregnancy they would not show concern with this, but with my history with Gracie they are going to watch his growth more closely. They see this in abnormalities sometimes and I believe Gracie had the same thing. So, today I did a blood test that will give us more peace of mind. As far as Trisomy 18 is concerned they didn't see any markers on him! Praise God! But this test will confirm. The doctors are pretty positive that it is nothing, and again it is just because of my history that they are going to watch him more closely. I get the results back in 8-10 days, more waiting and at around 30 weeks they will check his growth with ultrasound. Great doctors making sure we are getting the best care. They were really sad to have to show concern for this. All in all Corey and I left feeling much more positive and excited about bringing a baby into this world. So, I am feeling almost no nervousness at all, just a tiny bit. Continue prayers are much appreciated and as always I will keep you all updated. Thank you so much for your prayers thus far. And I can not get my scanner to work, so I need my computer savy husband's help and then I will put pictures up, which are so cute. I didn't want to wait any longer to tell you all the news.

Big Day Thursday

Family/Friends....this Thursday, February 28 is the 20 week ultrasound. Please be praying for us that day, as we prayerfully will be seeing a healthy baby growing in there and we will be finding out the gender. I am very anxious and nervous about this ultrasound, as at 16/17 weeks is when we found out Gracie's prognosis. This time we have no idea what is going on in there since I didn't do any test, which I am still thankful we made that decision. Reminder to myself and all of you, the chances of Trisomy 18 is less than 1% percent and the first ultrasound looked good. It is difficult to not be nervous though, because I keep replaying that ultrasound in my head, where I see a beautiful baby on the screen and then after hearing the doctor list all these things wrong with our baby. Extremely hard to remove from your mind and heart. I daily, hourly, every minute pray and plead...really, that there is a strong healthy baby growing in there. I will of course update my blog Thursday at some point, so be looking and please be praying. I know most of you have been already praying for us. We are so grateful.

A few of the verses helping me through this time:

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
        From where does my help come?
    My help comes from the LORD,
        who made heaven and earth.
    He will not let your foot be moved;
        he who keeps you will not slumber.
    Behold, he who keeps Israel
        will neither slumber nor sleep.
    The LORD is your keeper;
        the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
    The sun shall not strike you by day,
        nor the moon by night.
    The LORD will keep you from all evil;
        he will keep your life.
    The LORD will keep
        your going out and your coming in
        from this time forth and forevermore.


Phillipians 4:6-7
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

A little blessing...

Corey and I are very excited to announce that we are having baby #2!!! Excited for Gracie Ann to be a big sister. Due date is July 12, 2013. We had a ultrasound at 10 weeks and everything looked normal for baby. I am currently 13 weeks. Testing was left up to our decision, which we decided to not do any testing and see how baby grows. God is good and we are trusting in His provisions. We just want to enjoy this pregnancy and not have added stress of testing. For me though, I have found myself to be a ball of nerves and worrying at times to be honest. I pray this baby is growing strong and healthy. Will you join us in doing the same?

Baby #2

Happy Birthday, Gracie Ann!

One year ago today, you came into this world already into the arms of Jesus. You touched more hearts in your short life than anybody we know. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you. We miss you everyday and will continue to honor your life as much as possible until we are together again. Your family misses you lots, also. We are all forever changed because of you, Gracie. You are always in our hearts and we have so much love for you. We wish you were here with us. We often think about what you would be like, what your favorite toy would be, when would you take your first steps and what your first word would be. I could go on. God has been so good to us and has carried us through these days without you. Have fun at your big birthday celebration in Heaven. We love you, Gracie Ann! 

Psalm 66

1Shout for joy to God, all the earth;

2sing the glory of his name;

give to him glorious praise!

3Say to God, "How awesome are your deeds!

So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you.

4All the earth worships you

and sings praises to you;

they sing praises to your name." Selah

5Come and see what God has done:

he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man.

6He turned the sea into dry land;

they passed through the river on foot.

There did we rejoice in him,

7who rules by his might forever,

whose eyes keep watch on the nations—

let not the rebellious exalt themselves. Selah

8Bless our God, O peoples;

let the sound of his praise be heard,

9who has kept our soul among the living

and has not let our feet slip.

10For you, O God, have tested us;

you have tried us as silver is tried.

11You brought us into the net;

you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

12you let men ride over our heads;

we went through fire and through water;

yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

13I will come into your house with burnt offerings;

I will perform my vows to you,

14that which my lips uttered

and my mouth promised when I was in trouble.

15I will offer to you burnt offerings of fattened animals,

with the smoke of the sacrifice of rams;

I will make an offering of bulls and goats. Selah

16Come and hear, all you who fear God,

and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

17I cried to him with my mouth,

and high praise was on my tongue.

18If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,

the Lord would not have listened.

19But truly God has listened;

he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

20Blessed be God,

because he has not rejected my prayer

or removed his steadfast love from me!

Remembering

One year this day, we went to the doctors since I hadn't been feeling Gracie move and we got to hear her heartbeat one last time. We did not know that would be the last time, but thankful to God for allowing that to happen. 

As we draw close to Gracie's first birthday, I feel such sadness to not be able to celebrate the first Christmas and birthday. I have been doing a lot of reading of my blog lately and remembering the last weeks and day she was born into the arms of Jesus. I find comfort in knowing that she is perfect in Heaven and that we will be reunited some day, but it doesn't always make it easy or make me feel less sad. I wish she was here with me and Corey.

The following excerpt is taken from a blog, which I attached the link if you would like to read the whole thing, it is written by a widow. I found such comfort in this and reminder that grieving is okay and good.
"I think it is important to note here that we should not assume someone is no longer grieving, or not grieving as much, because a number of years have passed.  I am among those who, before I became a widow,  mistakenly thought that the one-year anniversary marked the end of the grieving process, that somehow things became easier and got back to “normal.”  Where did that idea come from?  That’s not accurate.  I believe grieving is actually a gift, a good and necessary gift, a process, and a journey that, because of the depth of our love, may last until I see my Bud again. And, yes, the severity of my grieving is increased during the holidays.  But as I respond to the pain and embrace with gratefulness the comforts he sends, I learn endurance and perseverance; and I realize that everything is part of the process of sanctification.  And I am overwhelmed—not by my grief—but by his love for me." 
http://www.girltalkhome.com/blog/comfort-at-christmastime1
I am only approaching the first year, but I feel my heart will feel this sadness for as long as I am here on this earth, like the writer mentioned the one year doesn't mean the end of grieving.  
Grieving the loss of a child is a process, it begins the day your child passes and ends the day the parent joins them.~B.J.Karrer

Please remember to say a prayer for all those that have lost a loved one, especially those recent unexplainable losses in our nation.  

A friend shared this sweet picture that she had found online with me the other day...so true for me.
 

One year today...

One year ago today I started this blog, with at first writing a note  a few days before on Facebook to let you all know about the news of our pregnancy. I was super nervous about starting this blog as I am not much of a writer, but this blog really became an outlet for me to lift some weight, share my experience and what I was feeling, which was much needed in my journey with Trisomy 18. This blog helped me to feel comforted by so many of your comments and knowing that with each read people were praying for our baby. 

At the time of starting this blog I was really praying for a happy ending. My happy ending. As the days continued I read more and more stories of others who had walked this road of Trisomy 18 before me and knew that I needed to find my happy ending in not bringing home our baby, but in growing in my relationship in Christ, who I needed to rely on to get me through this journey so much more than I ever experienced and in hopes that our story can change the lives of others down the road. As I continued to rely, pray and read God's word, I began to pray for God's will for our baby's life and for my husband and I's, not my own will. It was a bit of a freeing experience as I continued with the pregnancy. I use freeing kind of loosely, because it didn't lift all the weight of worry and fear that I felt, but I knew God had Gracie's life in His best interest and that He created her just the way she was for His purpose. 

I read the following verses the other day and wanted to share with you, as they brought some comfort and insight to myself. 

Deuteronomy 30:15-20 - “See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. ¹⁶ If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it. ¹⁷ But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, ¹⁸ I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess. ¹⁹ I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, ²⁰ loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.”

Gracie is engraved into my heart and soul, with that I am changed forever and for the better at that. Thank you, God, for allowing me to be a mother to a beautiful angel and for granting me the courage to be open with my family and friends. I pray that one day in your perfect timing, God, that you will fulfill our desire for Corey and I to write a story of a brother or sister for Gracie.

Thank you so much for reading and continuing to read our story. Please feel free to share if you ever know someone who is going through what we did or similar.

6 Months Ago...

On June 30 it was 6 months since we had Gracie Ann. Gracie had already left this world before she entered it. My heart just breaks over and over again when I think about it, which is still often. I can't believe that 6 months have gone by, when at times it feels like just yesterday. At the same time it feels so long ago and I find myself not being consumed with the loss of our baby girl. I have been feeling more like myself in the last few months, which is a blessing, but the healing process isn't over. It has been almost a year since finding out about Gracie's diagnosis and July is when I started having the tests done. For about a year, I felt like I was walking on the outside looking into my life and being weighed down by worry and grief. I do think that these next 6 months could be difficult because it was just a year ago we were going through many doctor appointments, testing and with each test hearing bad news. So the coming months have many reminders that are still close to my mind and heart. If you could continue to pray and think of us that would be greatly appreciated. 

I am finding so much comfort in my God since this all began, who has graciously brought me through one of hardest things in this life to experience. I don't think I would be where I am at if I didn't have my faith and hope in God. He continues to bring comfort in His word and through others in my life.

I am doing the Bible in one year plan, and the other day I was reading Psalm 112. It has really stuck out to me and touched me, especially verses 4-8. I would like to share it with you.

Praise the Lord!
Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,
    who greatly delights in his commandments!
² His offspring will be mighty in the land;
     the generation of the upright will be blessed.
³  Wealth and riches are in his house,
    and his righteousness endures forever.
⁴ Light dawns in the darkness for the upright;
    he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.
⁵ It is well with the man who deals generously and lends;
    who conducts his affairs with justice.
⁶ For the righteous will never be moved;
     he will be remembered forever.
⁷ He is not afraid of bad news;
    his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
⁸ His heart is steady; he will not be afraid,
    until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.
⁹ He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor;
    his righteousness endures forever;
    his horn is exalted in honor.
¹⁰ The wicked man sees it and is angry;
    he gnashes his teeth and melts away;
     the desire of the wicked will perish!