Two Months

Two months have already gone by since I gave birth to the most beautiful tiny baby girl, and who had already made her journey to Heaven. I have a feeling for the first year at least I will feel life has a bit of a pause on the 30th. I miss her so much and often think about what life would be like with her still with us. I know it would be great and she would be one spoiled little baby.

I started work today. Mixed feelings regarding being back at work. One feeling is that it is good to be back to a routine, get out of the house and wake up with a purpose for the day. Another feeling, is sadness that my life is going back to as it was before Gracie, with no change. I am not worried about whether to work or not. I am not worried about finding childcare if needed. I am wishing for those worries. My desire is to be a stay at home mom, and this going back to work is another realization that Gracie isn't with us here.

I had a few comments from some regarding my smiling in the pictures from the hospital and they can't believe it. I just want to share what was going through my head and heart in case others noticed. Believe me my heart was broken, but God was in that room that day. I felt an indescrible joy and peace that day. I think those in the room would probably say the same. I believe that with all the prayers and our faith in choosing life for Gracie against all the odds, that God met us there and He had His arms wrapped around Corey and I and the rest of the family and friends with us at the hospital. I loved being able to get the chance to hold her and share her with others, even though it is not how I wanted it to be. When we walk with Christ, we are often asked to do things that we don't want to do. God knows what is best for us and He will bless us when we choose to do the hard stuff in life and follow Him. I pray that any mother and father facing grim results for their baby, that they will choose life for that baby. Corey and I were beyond blessed and taken care of through the pregnancy and after her birth. I am so grateful God gave me and Corey the strength and courage to choose life for Gracie. The time with her was so sweet, sad, and difficult, but that sweet feeling stands out to me the most.

Below is a verse that I came across the other day, which is what I desire to do with what we have been through with Gracie. I hope we are given opportunities to comfort others going through similiar experiences and to be a light to the path of faithfulness.

 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.

Please continue to pray for our continued healing. Thank you!