On March 14, after being back at work for a week and half, my boss came into my office and told me that I was being laid off due to budget cuts and today, March 30, is my last day. This is bittersweet, because sweet, I didn't really enjoy this job and bitter, it paid very well and had great hours. The location I was at was actually closing next year, so I knew the end of this job was at some point, but was surprised for such an early departure. I was also a bit discouraged at first with the news because I just got back and prepared my heart for coming back to work. It was also turning out to be good for me to get out of the house and having a purpose for each day. So, it leaves me back to job hunting. Praying I find something with more people around and more of an exciting job.
Today is also 3 months since Gracie was born. I can't believe it has been 3 months already. It tends to feel like just yesterday and at the sametime too long ago. I miss her and long to know more of her. Not a minute goes by that I don't think of her.
I am curious to see God's plan for me in this next season. I have been going through lots of changes and life altering events. God is good and He provides. He knows where I am headed and I am not to worry about tomorrow.
A few things that were shared and that I have read lately, that seem fitting for where I at in my life.
A verse my sister texted me:
"Lord when doubt fills my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer!" Psalm 94:19
From http://www.girltalkhome.com/:
"What if, sometimes, there are mists and fogs so thick that I cannot see the path? ‘Tis enough that You hold my hand, and guide me in the darkness; for walking with You in the gloom–is far sweeter and safer than walking alone in the sunlight!
Dear Lord, give me grace to trust You wholly, whatever may befall; yielding myself up to Your leading, and leaning hard on You when “dangers are in the path.” Your way for me has been marked out from all eternity, and it leads directly to Yourself and home!"
~Susannah Spurgeon
I went back to Gracies grave for the first time yesterday.. the 3 month anniversary.. pete and I put yellow roses in the urn. The pink monkey is still there.. wet from the rain- but smiling..
ReplyDeleteWhen people ask me if I have grandchildren it is hard to know what to say. The question comes frequently when traveling in the circles of acquantances- or maybe I just notice it more.. at first I said the truth and watched them squirm in discomfort at the unexpected answer... now I say "not yet".. the "yet" is a statement of faith for me, but at the same time I feel like I am betraying her memory by not acknowledging her in my answer. I am hopeful that like in other points of my life journey, I will look back and recognize the faithfulness of God that I am trusting for now.. it will happen.
But for now it seems that grandchildren are born all around me effortlessly and healthy. I try hard to be happy for them but each new story stirs my own pain..
I am going to buy a candyland game for when my 4 yr old great niece comes... I will save it in faith... because I will need it again.
Em- I pray God will give you direction and peace. It is hard to see through the storms, but we can trust God to lead us through them. I think of you often and continue to pray for you guys.
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