On March 14, after being back at work for a week and half, my boss came into my office and told me that I was being laid off due to budget cuts and today, March 30, is my last day. This is bittersweet, because sweet, I didn't really enjoy this job and bitter, it paid very well and had great hours. The location I was at was actually closing next year, so I knew the end of this job was at some point, but was surprised for such an early departure. I was also a bit discouraged at first with the news because I just got back and prepared my heart for coming back to work. It was also turning out to be good for me to get out of the house and having a purpose for each day. So, it leaves me back to job hunting. Praying I find something with more people around and more of an exciting job.
Today is also 3 months since Gracie was born. I can't believe it has been 3 months already. It tends to feel like just yesterday and at the sametime too long ago. I miss her and long to know more of her. Not a minute goes by that I don't think of her.
I am curious to see God's plan for me in this next season. I have been going through lots of changes and life altering events. God is good and He provides. He knows where I am headed and I am not to worry about tomorrow.
A few things that were shared and that I have read lately, that seem fitting for where I at in my life.
A verse my sister texted me:
"Lord when doubt fills my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer!" Psalm 94:19
From http://www.girltalkhome.com/:
"What if, sometimes, there are mists and fogs so thick that I cannot see the path? ‘Tis enough that You hold my hand, and guide me in the darkness; for walking with You in the gloom–is far sweeter and safer than walking alone in the sunlight!
Dear Lord, give me grace to trust You wholly, whatever may befall; yielding myself up to Your leading, and leaning hard on You when “dangers are in the path.” Your way for me has been marked out from all eternity, and it leads directly to Yourself and home!"
~Susannah Spurgeon
Friday, March 30, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Two Months
Two months have already gone by since I gave birth to the most beautiful tiny baby girl, and who had already made her journey to Heaven. I have a feeling for the first year at least I will feel life has a bit of a pause on the 30th. I miss her so much and often think about what life would be like with her still with us. I know it would be great and she would be one spoiled little baby.
I started work today. Mixed feelings regarding being back at work. One feeling is that it is good to be back to a routine, get out of the house and wake up with a purpose for the day. Another feeling, is sadness that my life is going back to as it was before Gracie, with no change. I am not worried about whether to work or not. I am not worried about finding childcare if needed. I am wishing for those worries. My desire is to be a stay at home mom, and this going back to work is another realization that Gracie isn't with us here.
I had a few comments from some regarding my smiling in the pictures from the hospital and they can't believe it. I just want to share what was going through my head and heart in case others noticed. Believe me my heart was broken, but God was in that room that day. I felt an indescrible joy and peace that day. I think those in the room would probably say the same. I believe that with all the prayers and our faith in choosing life for Gracie against all the odds, that God met us there and He had His arms wrapped around Corey and I and the rest of the family and friends with us at the hospital. I loved being able to get the chance to hold her and share her with others, even though it is not how I wanted it to be. When we walk with Christ, we are often asked to do things that we don't want to do. God knows what is best for us and He will bless us when we choose to do the hard stuff in life and follow Him. I pray that any mother and father facing grim results for their baby, that they will choose life for that baby. Corey and I were beyond blessed and taken care of through the pregnancy and after her birth. I am so grateful God gave me and Corey the strength and courage to choose life for Gracie. The time with her was so sweet, sad, and difficult, but that sweet feeling stands out to me the most.
Below is a verse that I came across the other day, which is what I desire to do with what we have been through with Gracie. I hope we are given opportunities to comfort others going through similiar experiences and to be a light to the path of faithfulness.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
Please continue to pray for our continued healing. Thank you!
I started work today. Mixed feelings regarding being back at work. One feeling is that it is good to be back to a routine, get out of the house and wake up with a purpose for the day. Another feeling, is sadness that my life is going back to as it was before Gracie, with no change. I am not worried about whether to work or not. I am not worried about finding childcare if needed. I am wishing for those worries. My desire is to be a stay at home mom, and this going back to work is another realization that Gracie isn't with us here.
I had a few comments from some regarding my smiling in the pictures from the hospital and they can't believe it. I just want to share what was going through my head and heart in case others noticed. Believe me my heart was broken, but God was in that room that day. I felt an indescrible joy and peace that day. I think those in the room would probably say the same. I believe that with all the prayers and our faith in choosing life for Gracie against all the odds, that God met us there and He had His arms wrapped around Corey and I and the rest of the family and friends with us at the hospital. I loved being able to get the chance to hold her and share her with others, even though it is not how I wanted it to be. When we walk with Christ, we are often asked to do things that we don't want to do. God knows what is best for us and He will bless us when we choose to do the hard stuff in life and follow Him. I pray that any mother and father facing grim results for their baby, that they will choose life for that baby. Corey and I were beyond blessed and taken care of through the pregnancy and after her birth. I am so grateful God gave me and Corey the strength and courage to choose life for Gracie. The time with her was so sweet, sad, and difficult, but that sweet feeling stands out to me the most.
Below is a verse that I came across the other day, which is what I desire to do with what we have been through with Gracie. I hope we are given opportunities to comfort others going through similiar experiences and to be a light to the path of faithfulness.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.
Please continue to pray for our continued healing. Thank you!
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